Success Blueprint: Six Steps To Achieving What Your Heart Desires Tatyana Gann
1. FOCUS:
Focus on what is important to you. Love what you do and do what you love. Find a true passion that despite the obstacles you can see a bigger picture and have a vision. Make sure you understand business involves taking a risk and focus is going to help you to put attention to small details that count and contribute to bigger results. Focus on a daily activities and make sure you focus on being productive. Focusing on the things that have no value to your work is not going to bring the result you want. Make sure you focus on the activities that create transformation.
2. SKILLS
Everyone has skills but some have got TOO MANY. Take one skill you want to master and focus on it. As you can see it comes down again to the matter of FOCUS I brought to your attention in bullet point # 1..
Make sure you do not try to do TOO MANY THINGS and LEARN TOO MUCH. Take what you know now, take to the next level by getting more education in that field and apply it. See results. That skill will become like driving a car. Then it will be easier for you to learn a new skills and follow same formula. With the arrival of social media everyone wants to be a social media guru, a so called expert.. There is nothing wrong to say “I do not know everything” Honestly who cares. Only YOU.
3. MASTERMIND COMMUNITY OR SUPPORT GROUP:
Be surrounded by people of the same interest. It can be your mentors, your students, your coworkers, or belong to marketing communities that offer that to you. You must have that intellectual interaction to keep your creative juices flowing. I love mastermind and support communities that tie people of one culture and make new friends who immigrated to US and Canada from Russia and discover what they achieved and what they plan to do because it gives a chance to share with them my marketing and mindset training.
It is important for your self esteem too because you feel accepted into a new circle and you can contribute your ideas and get feedback from people who understand what you do. Very important factor in business!
4. Learn From The Best
You need to find coaches with good proven track record, success stories and case studies that can be a real proof. You also need coaches and mentors who have INTEGRITY. It is another topic I will cover.
I have made commitment to ONLY learn from the best. WHY NOT. Do not settle for less. You need a good mentor if you want to take your business seriously. You want to mold yourself right from day 1 because it will be hard to undo what you did wrong because you have developed habits of doing things the old way. You can see my recommendations for the best training and mentors in section Business Tools and Resources:
5. Patience
You need to learn to be patient with yourself.. We often are so patient with other people that we forget that the most important person in creating success is YOU. We must understand that we will have obstacles and trials on this journey but the success would have been so sweet if we did not work for it and we put effort and patience toward ourselves. Remember Rome was not built in one day. It takes time and it can be days or it can be months or even years before you achieve what you truly want. The walls are there for a reason: to give you JOY!
6. Acceptance Vs. Approval
It is the last step but very important and should not be ignored. If you are in a relationship or a marriage, you want to understand one thing that you do not need to get approval from your spouse right way. All you want is acceptance. Accepting your ideas creates good bond, feeling of support from your loved ones and it makes so much easier to focus. Because when you feel you are not approved by your spouse you start looking for new options or a new business venture. It is not the case. As an amazing author Gary Chapman says it is called “Intellectual Intimacy” which is very important for anyone when they build a business. Many of us struggle with it and we all need it.
I think I will make another lesson on this specific step.
Also learn how to be accepted by your customers first then approved..having passion and dedication to your customers or clients will give you that seal of approval you are looking for. Then they become your customers for life and bring you referrals. Work on maintaining relationships with your clients… It is the best therapy for your soul and more happy smiles to customer faces
Enjoy your week
Tatyana Gann
(c) Copyright 2009 Tatyana Gann. All Rights Reserved
Tatyana Gann is an high income coach, an online marketing mentor, a social media expert, a professional connector, a mom of two great boys and an amazing hostess. To Learn More About Tatyana Gann , subscribe to her “Attraction Marketing Queen Newsletter”
Tags: fun success strategies, how to develop skills, marketing mastermind communities, marriage support, mastermind communities, russian marketing mastermind communities, russian success coaching, simple success steps, success blueprint
This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 21st, 2009 at 2:41 pm and is filed under Business Success Strategies, Immigrant Success Coaching, Success Coaching. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
5 Tips for Surviving the Family Gathering
Yes, it’s that time of year again – time for the obligatory family gathering. For many this is a time of laughter, warm feelings and love, but for others it’s a time of biting your tongue, watching your back, and walking away wounded.
Every family has that person who knows how to push all the right buttons. You know the person I’m talking about - the one whose opinion counts more than anyone else’s, the fragile moody one that has everyone walking on eggshells, the silent but deadly person, who let’s you know whatever you do is not quit right, or it may be the person who insists on doing everything and doesn’t deliver. It could be your sister, mom, uncle, son, or an in-law. It doesn’t take much for them to get you riled up, touching vulnerable emotions that destroy your whole day, maybe even your whole holiday season.
Here are five tips to help your chances for surviving the family gathering season.
1. Adjust your expectations. The old adage “hope springs eternal” can often be applied to many longings we have toward family members, “Maybe this year will be better.” But, if our family member has been critical of our hair do, weight, house-keeping abilities or life style in the past, chances are they will still be critical now – if nothing has changed, than nothing has changed - plan on it.
2. Don’t take it personally. More times than not the behavior of the offending family member has nothing to do with you. I bought a refrigerator magnet that says, “I may not be much, but I am all I think about.” And, it’s true! Everyone thinks about themselves 24/7. So, if we follow this thought through to its natural conclusion - no one is thinking about our feelings, wants, desires, or needs, because they are too busy thinking about their own. This should come as no surprise and even a bit of a relief to know, you don’t have a target on your back. And even if you do – it’s still not about you. Once we understand other people’s behavior is not about us, we can let it go, and shake off the personal offense.
3. Protect your boundaries. Every family has their resident bully, give yourself permission to protect healthy boundaries. You do not need to endure insults, backhanded complements or rudeness just to keep the peace or prove you love your family. Nor do you need to start a fight to protect yourself. Simply side step the comments (don’t take it personal) when possible, and respond with sensible control. Becoming defensive, retreating into moody silence, or lying about your feelings only fuels the fire, giving the bully permission to keep up the good work.
4. Understand the power behind meeting emotional needs. This is key to improving your relationships, even your good relations. Each personality type has a set of emotional needs that if go unmet makes their behavior unhealthy, which causes relationship problems. Most behavior patterns develop (good and bad) from these emotional needs being met or unmet.
Emotional needs are not wants. They are needs on the same level as air, water, food and shelter. We will do anything it takes to sate the cravings that develop if we are deprived of these needs. Deprivation of emotional needs, is fertile ground for addiction to take hold, and addictions rarely make relationships better.
Here is a quick list of the emotional needs for each personality type.
Playful Sanguine:
Attention, Affection (touch and words) Acceptance “as is,” Amusement (play time)
Powerful Choleric:
Accomplishment, A sense of Control, Credit for their hard work, Loyalty
Proper Melancholic:
Sensitivity to their feelings, Space, Silence, Understanding
Peaceful Phlegmatic:
Feelings of worth, Calm environment, Respect for who they are, Rest (sleep)
5. Give others what they “need.” Because the offending person’s behavior is all about their needs: their insecurities, their fears, their control issues, their desires – the key in curbing unwanted behaviors is all about meeting their true emotional needs, not just playing a game of survival. The solution is simple – give them an emotional need tailored to their personality type each time you see them. Think of these needs like giving air, water, food or shelter to your loved one. If they were thirsty, you would give them a glass of water. We can do the same with emotional needs.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say your mother always has an opinion of what you should be doing, “Is there a reason you chose to do it that way? You know what I would do if I were you….” Now she doesn’t think she’s criticizing you, just telling you what she’s thinking, for your own good of course. Only it comes off like a put down, or super controlling, making you angry and resentful. You want to scream, “Leave me alone!” only you know that will escalate the scene to a new level, one in which you have never been the victor, so you listen, all the while rage is building in the pit of your soul.
Year after year you hear the hopeless message – whatever you are, is not right. Finally, the pain in the relationship is so sharp you can’t take another moment of it, only what can you do about it? One option is to walk out, another is to stand and fight or you can give an emotional need. Remember, it’s not about you - it’s about the cravings in the other person. The thought of stepping out of our need and into someone else’s need, especially if that person causes us pain, can be overwhelming, but it’s not as hard as it seems when you understand the long term benefits.
Chances are this mother has a deep need to see things completed, seeking to fill the emotional need of accomplishment. The next time you have to spend time with her, take the focus off of you by asking if there is anything she would like help getting done (you know you’ll end up doing things you didn’t plan on doing anyway, so beat her to the punch) – giving the emotional need of accomplishment.
Once is never enough. Make this a life style - giving to others what they desire most. What goes around – comes around. With in time the pounding stress will dissipate and joy has an opportunity to fill more space in the relationship. Less stress and more joy, is a good gift to give and receive.
Kathryn Robbins
Relationship Coach
Personality Principles, LLC
"Unlock the Potential of Your Relationship”
www.personalityprinciples.com
info@personalityprinciples.com
Every family has that person who knows how to push all the right buttons. You know the person I’m talking about - the one whose opinion counts more than anyone else’s, the fragile moody one that has everyone walking on eggshells, the silent but deadly person, who let’s you know whatever you do is not quit right, or it may be the person who insists on doing everything and doesn’t deliver. It could be your sister, mom, uncle, son, or an in-law. It doesn’t take much for them to get you riled up, touching vulnerable emotions that destroy your whole day, maybe even your whole holiday season.
Here are five tips to help your chances for surviving the family gathering season.
1. Adjust your expectations. The old adage “hope springs eternal” can often be applied to many longings we have toward family members, “Maybe this year will be better.” But, if our family member has been critical of our hair do, weight, house-keeping abilities or life style in the past, chances are they will still be critical now – if nothing has changed, than nothing has changed - plan on it.
2. Don’t take it personally. More times than not the behavior of the offending family member has nothing to do with you. I bought a refrigerator magnet that says, “I may not be much, but I am all I think about.” And, it’s true! Everyone thinks about themselves 24/7. So, if we follow this thought through to its natural conclusion - no one is thinking about our feelings, wants, desires, or needs, because they are too busy thinking about their own. This should come as no surprise and even a bit of a relief to know, you don’t have a target on your back. And even if you do – it’s still not about you. Once we understand other people’s behavior is not about us, we can let it go, and shake off the personal offense.
3. Protect your boundaries. Every family has their resident bully, give yourself permission to protect healthy boundaries. You do not need to endure insults, backhanded complements or rudeness just to keep the peace or prove you love your family. Nor do you need to start a fight to protect yourself. Simply side step the comments (don’t take it personal) when possible, and respond with sensible control. Becoming defensive, retreating into moody silence, or lying about your feelings only fuels the fire, giving the bully permission to keep up the good work.
4. Understand the power behind meeting emotional needs. This is key to improving your relationships, even your good relations. Each personality type has a set of emotional needs that if go unmet makes their behavior unhealthy, which causes relationship problems. Most behavior patterns develop (good and bad) from these emotional needs being met or unmet.
Emotional needs are not wants. They are needs on the same level as air, water, food and shelter. We will do anything it takes to sate the cravings that develop if we are deprived of these needs. Deprivation of emotional needs, is fertile ground for addiction to take hold, and addictions rarely make relationships better.
Here is a quick list of the emotional needs for each personality type.
Playful Sanguine:
Attention, Affection (touch and words) Acceptance “as is,” Amusement (play time)
Powerful Choleric:
Accomplishment, A sense of Control, Credit for their hard work, Loyalty
Proper Melancholic:
Sensitivity to their feelings, Space, Silence, Understanding
Peaceful Phlegmatic:
Feelings of worth, Calm environment, Respect for who they are, Rest (sleep)
5. Give others what they “need.” Because the offending person’s behavior is all about their needs: their insecurities, their fears, their control issues, their desires – the key in curbing unwanted behaviors is all about meeting their true emotional needs, not just playing a game of survival. The solution is simple – give them an emotional need tailored to their personality type each time you see them. Think of these needs like giving air, water, food or shelter to your loved one. If they were thirsty, you would give them a glass of water. We can do the same with emotional needs.
Here’s how it works. Let’s say your mother always has an opinion of what you should be doing, “Is there a reason you chose to do it that way? You know what I would do if I were you….” Now she doesn’t think she’s criticizing you, just telling you what she’s thinking, for your own good of course. Only it comes off like a put down, or super controlling, making you angry and resentful. You want to scream, “Leave me alone!” only you know that will escalate the scene to a new level, one in which you have never been the victor, so you listen, all the while rage is building in the pit of your soul.
Year after year you hear the hopeless message – whatever you are, is not right. Finally, the pain in the relationship is so sharp you can’t take another moment of it, only what can you do about it? One option is to walk out, another is to stand and fight or you can give an emotional need. Remember, it’s not about you - it’s about the cravings in the other person. The thought of stepping out of our need and into someone else’s need, especially if that person causes us pain, can be overwhelming, but it’s not as hard as it seems when you understand the long term benefits.
Chances are this mother has a deep need to see things completed, seeking to fill the emotional need of accomplishment. The next time you have to spend time with her, take the focus off of you by asking if there is anything she would like help getting done (you know you’ll end up doing things you didn’t plan on doing anyway, so beat her to the punch) – giving the emotional need of accomplishment.
Once is never enough. Make this a life style - giving to others what they desire most. What goes around – comes around. With in time the pounding stress will dissipate and joy has an opportunity to fill more space in the relationship. Less stress and more joy, is a good gift to give and receive.
Kathryn Robbins
Relationship Coach
Personality Principles, LLC
"Unlock the Potential of Your Relationship”
www.personalityprinciples.com
info@personalityprinciples.com
Monday, October 12, 2009
Knowledge is Power
I love the fall season! The heat is blowing out to sea, and the colors-OMG! The colors! I just love when diversity works to make everything beautiful!
I also love opening my email to find this kind of report:
WOW! Now here's a teacher who is really changing lives! I'm sure most CPTs can give me stories like this one (please do, I love hearing them) where finding out about personality types has answered the nagging internal questions of "Why am I different?" or "What's wrong with me?"
Years ago, I sat all five of my sons down and had them do the profile together. Everyone answered the profile questions for everyone else: Decision by Committee. When you use this method, you get a more accurate assessment because we rarely see ourselves the way others see us. It's other people's perceptions of us that cause many of our relationship problems.
As my sons thought about answering for their brothers, they had to set aside their sibling pettiness and get down to what is "real," not just what they "feel" about each other. After the scores were tallied, we read over each personality's strengths and struggles. Here's where the real magic started to take place.
As each child identified with his personality type and that of his brother's, the aha! moments started to happen. My Powerful Choleric son decided to ease up on his younger Peaceful Phlegmatic brother. "OK, I'll let him be who he is, but if he thinks he's attending the same high school as me . . . here's where I draw the line in the sand: he has to take a shower everyday!" As the mom I had to chuckle inside, wondering, "Or else what?"
My Proper Melancholic son had the strongest reaction. He always felt he was "different" from the rest of the family (a common thought for Propers). He is my artist and straight A student. His brothers were either skate rats or couch potatoes and he worried there was something wrong with him.
When we read about the Proper Melancholic's tendency to be artistic and studious, it was as if the weight of the world rolled off his shoulders. He was normal for his personality type. He turned from a sullen, moody kid into a happier, more light-hearted person, knowing there is nothing "wrong" with him for liking art or being smart. From that time on we have made our family decisions according to personality needs as much as possible.
Children get it! Sometimes they get it even faster than adults, because there isn't as much emotional junk to wade through in order to get to the truth. If you work with children as a teacher, counselor, social worker, or parent, and are interested in obtaining Personality Assessment Profiles for your children, here's the link to purchase your copies: http://www.personalityprinciples.com/onlinestore.htm
Feel free to email me the story of how your family, clients or classroom responds to the personality information.
I also love opening my email to find this kind of report:
Hey Kathryn!!
My students are going NUTS over these personality profiles! My Sanguine kid is SO happy to find the reason why he bounces and ends up in trees! (I used Tigger as an example.) I also have a girl who is really getting into this . . Choleric teen . . whooda thunk? She is a crabby out-of-control choleric who doesn't want to be! She has just opened up since we have done the profiles. -- Ginny Gilbertsen
WOW! Now here's a teacher who is really changing lives! I'm sure most CPTs can give me stories like this one (please do, I love hearing them) where finding out about personality types has answered the nagging internal questions of "Why am I different?" or "What's wrong with me?"
Years ago, I sat all five of my sons down and had them do the profile together. Everyone answered the profile questions for everyone else: Decision by Committee. When you use this method, you get a more accurate assessment because we rarely see ourselves the way others see us. It's other people's perceptions of us that cause many of our relationship problems.
As my sons thought about answering for their brothers, they had to set aside their sibling pettiness and get down to what is "real," not just what they "feel" about each other. After the scores were tallied, we read over each personality's strengths and struggles. Here's where the real magic started to take place.
As each child identified with his personality type and that of his brother's, the aha! moments started to happen. My Powerful Choleric son decided to ease up on his younger Peaceful Phlegmatic brother. "OK, I'll let him be who he is, but if he thinks he's attending the same high school as me . . . here's where I draw the line in the sand: he has to take a shower everyday!" As the mom I had to chuckle inside, wondering, "Or else what?"
My Proper Melancholic son had the strongest reaction. He always felt he was "different" from the rest of the family (a common thought for Propers). He is my artist and straight A student. His brothers were either skate rats or couch potatoes and he worried there was something wrong with him.
When we read about the Proper Melancholic's tendency to be artistic and studious, it was as if the weight of the world rolled off his shoulders. He was normal for his personality type. He turned from a sullen, moody kid into a happier, more light-hearted person, knowing there is nothing "wrong" with him for liking art or being smart. From that time on we have made our family decisions according to personality needs as much as possible.
Children get it! Sometimes they get it even faster than adults, because there isn't as much emotional junk to wade through in order to get to the truth. If you work with children as a teacher, counselor, social worker, or parent, and are interested in obtaining Personality Assessment Profiles for your children, here's the link to purchase your copies: http://www.personalityprinciples.com/onlinestore.htm
Feel free to email me the story of how your family, clients or classroom responds to the personality information.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Who owns the intellectual property of the temperament/personality theories?
July's teleconference was a great history lesson in how our modern temperament/personality systems got their start. Only after the call was over, it dawned on me that I missed an important fact - Who owns the rights to the intellectual property of these systems? Where do copyright boundaries start and stop?
I have received phone calls and emails with these questions since the teleconference, so I decided to add another page to the July teleconference handout. If you purchased a copy already, email me and I will send you the new pages, or if you haven't purchased your copy yet (10 pages) here is the link. http://www.payloadz.com/go/sip?id=980745 (There is a $2.00 charge.)
Who owns the intellectual property of the temperament/personality theories?
We all learned in grammar school not to copy word for word someone else's work and put it in our reports, claiming it to be our own - we would get a big fat F, if we did. Copying word for word without permission, is plagiarism, but a question comes into being when it's not word for word or even a quote we want to use, but the concept. Can we use someone else's teaching or concepts with out breaking copyright laws?
Who owns a concept, or can a concept even be owned? The answer is simple - a concept can not be "owned," especially if the concept has been obtained through public domain.
What is "public domain?"
Here's what Wikipedia has to say, "The public domain is a range of abstract materials-commonly referred to as intellectual property-which are not owned or controlled by anyone. The term indicates that these materials are therefore "public property", and available for anyone to use for any purpose."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_domain
The Copyright Website states, "The Public Domain is that repository of all works that for whatever reason are not protected by copyright. As such, they are free for all to use without permission. Works in the Public Domain include works with the following characteristics: Originally Non-copyrightable. These are items that by their very nature are not eligible for copyright protection.
These items include: Ideas - Facts - Titles - Names - Short phrases - Blank forms"
http://www.benedict.com/info/PublicDomain/PublicDomain.aspx
Schools and colleges need to know where the copyright boundaries lie also. The University of California has this statement on their website.
What is the public domain?
"The public domain is generally defined as consisting of works that are either ineligible for copyright protection or with expired copyrights. No permission whatsoever is needed to copy or use public domain works. Public domain works and information represent some of the most critical information that faculty members and students rely upon. Public domain works can serve as the foundation for new creative works and can be quoted extensively. They can also be copied and distributed to classes or digitized and placed on course Web pages without permission or paying royalties."
What types of works make up the public domain?
"Categories of material that are generally not eligible for federal copyright protection include:
Ideas and facts
Works with expired copyrights
Works governed by early copyright statutes that failed to meet the requirements for copyright protection, i.e., notice, registration, and renewal requirements
U.S. government works (projects written by non-government authors with federal funding may be copyright protected )
Scientific principles, theorems, mathematical formulae, laws of nature
Scientific and other research methodologies, statistical techniques and educational processes
Laws, regulations, judicial opinions, government documents and legislative reports
Words, names, numbers, symbols, signs, rules of grammar and diction, and punctuation"
Meyers - Briggs (MBTI) was one of the first modern systems to evolve from these brilliant theories, and if the concept of temperament/personality assessment could be "owned," they would possess whatever rights there were on the subject, but they don't. David Keirsey has proven that point, as he has taken the basic MBTI and honed the 16 types into four basic temperament categories, making the system more "user friendly," while retaining the same dichotomy foundation to his system.
The same is true with the other systems, Hippocrates' concept of humors, which evolved into Galen's temperaments is the foundation for dozens of programs. Tim LaHaye published Spirit Controlled Temperament in 1966, which inspired Florence Littauer's book, Personality Plus. John Trent then introduced us to the Lion, the Beaver, the Golden Retriever, and the Otter. Laurie Beth Jones, put a new spin on Empedocles' elements in her program The Path. Arno's found the fifth personality in the Greek line - Supine and The Color Code turned our Peaceful Green Phlegmatic, into the White category. (White isn't even a color.)
The Enneagram shot off in many directions. The Catholic Church has used this system for years, as do the Wiccans' (White Witches) and Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson introduced the Enneagram to the world at large in their book, Personality Types.
The programs mentioned are but the tip of the ice berg, there are hundreds of modifications to the basic systems in use today. As you can see the topic of who owns what, can get quite complicated, but the topic of plagiarism is very clear - if you didn't put the sentence together, but want to use it, you need to get permission to do so. Other wise, do as our English teachers instructed us to do - say it in our own words.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can.
Simply include this blurb with it: Kathryn Robbins, Certified Personality Trainer, Relationship Coach, speaker and President of Personality Principles LLC, has helped hundreds of people find the missing pieces to their relationship issues, by understanding personality strengths, struggles and emotional needs. If you want to unlock the potential of your relationships, sign up for our FR*EE personality tips ezine at www.personalityprinciples.com
I have received phone calls and emails with these questions since the teleconference, so I decided to add another page to the July teleconference handout. If you purchased a copy already, email me and I will send you the new pages, or if you haven't purchased your copy yet (10 pages) here is the link. http://www.payloadz.com/go/sip?id=980745 (There is a $2.00 charge.)
Who owns the intellectual property of the temperament/personality theories?
We all learned in grammar school not to copy word for word someone else's work and put it in our reports, claiming it to be our own - we would get a big fat F, if we did. Copying word for word without permission, is plagiarism, but a question comes into being when it's not word for word or even a quote we want to use, but the concept. Can we use someone else's teaching or concepts with out breaking copyright laws?
Who owns a concept, or can a concept even be owned? The answer is simple - a concept can not be "owned," especially if the concept has been obtained through public domain.
What is "public domain?"
Here's what Wikipedia has to say, "The public domain is a range of abstract materials-commonly referred to as intellectual property-which are not owned or controlled by anyone. The term indicates that these materials are therefore "public property", and available for anyone to use for any purpose."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_domain
The Copyright Website states, "The Public Domain is that repository of all works that for whatever reason are not protected by copyright. As such, they are free for all to use without permission. Works in the Public Domain include works with the following characteristics: Originally Non-copyrightable. These are items that by their very nature are not eligible for copyright protection.
These items include: Ideas - Facts - Titles - Names - Short phrases - Blank forms"
http://www.benedict.com/info/PublicDomain/PublicDomain.aspx
Schools and colleges need to know where the copyright boundaries lie also. The University of California has this statement on their website.
What is the public domain?
"The public domain is generally defined as consisting of works that are either ineligible for copyright protection or with expired copyrights. No permission whatsoever is needed to copy or use public domain works. Public domain works and information represent some of the most critical information that faculty members and students rely upon. Public domain works can serve as the foundation for new creative works and can be quoted extensively. They can also be copied and distributed to classes or digitized and placed on course Web pages without permission or paying royalties."
What types of works make up the public domain?
"Categories of material that are generally not eligible for federal copyright protection include:
Ideas and facts
Works with expired copyrights
Works governed by early copyright statutes that failed to meet the requirements for copyright protection, i.e., notice, registration, and renewal requirements
U.S. government works (projects written by non-government authors with federal funding may be copyright protected )
Scientific principles, theorems, mathematical formulae, laws of nature
Scientific and other research methodologies, statistical techniques and educational processes
Laws, regulations, judicial opinions, government documents and legislative reports
Words, names, numbers, symbols, signs, rules of grammar and diction, and punctuation"
Meyers - Briggs (MBTI) was one of the first modern systems to evolve from these brilliant theories, and if the concept of temperament/personality assessment could be "owned," they would possess whatever rights there were on the subject, but they don't. David Keirsey has proven that point, as he has taken the basic MBTI and honed the 16 types into four basic temperament categories, making the system more "user friendly," while retaining the same dichotomy foundation to his system.
The same is true with the other systems, Hippocrates' concept of humors, which evolved into Galen's temperaments is the foundation for dozens of programs. Tim LaHaye published Spirit Controlled Temperament in 1966, which inspired Florence Littauer's book, Personality Plus. John Trent then introduced us to the Lion, the Beaver, the Golden Retriever, and the Otter. Laurie Beth Jones, put a new spin on Empedocles' elements in her program The Path. Arno's found the fifth personality in the Greek line - Supine and The Color Code turned our Peaceful Green Phlegmatic, into the White category. (White isn't even a color.)
The Enneagram shot off in many directions. The Catholic Church has used this system for years, as do the Wiccans' (White Witches) and Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson introduced the Enneagram to the world at large in their book, Personality Types.
The programs mentioned are but the tip of the ice berg, there are hundreds of modifications to the basic systems in use today. As you can see the topic of who owns what, can get quite complicated, but the topic of plagiarism is very clear - if you didn't put the sentence together, but want to use it, you need to get permission to do so. Other wise, do as our English teachers instructed us to do - say it in our own words.
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can.
Simply include this blurb with it: Kathryn Robbins, Certified Personality Trainer, Relationship Coach, speaker and President of Personality Principles LLC, has helped hundreds of people find the missing pieces to their relationship issues, by understanding personality strengths, struggles and emotional needs. If you want to unlock the potential of your relationships, sign up for our FR*EE personality tips ezine at www.personalityprinciples.com
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Toxic Personalities - Part 2
Toxic Personalities – Part 2
In understanding how personalities become toxic, it would be a good idea to investigate how they are formed in the first place. It has been a long standing argument of the scientific community weather our personality is formed by our environment or by our biological make up. Are we born “blank” waiting for our caregivers to install information into our brain, or are we born already hard-wired with the information that will dictate our preferences?
Since cracking the gene code, research has uncovered new findings about how DNA encoding affects the receptors in the brain which in turn determines how we respond to our environment. Thomas Insel, a director at the national Institute of Mental Health comments on this new finding, "Research appears to have found one of those hotspots in the genome where small differences can have large functional impact. The researchers found individual differences not in a protein-coding region, but in an area that determines a gene's expression in the brain. This is an extraordinary example of research linking gene variation - to brain receptors - to behavior."
DNA research may be a bit over most of our heads, but this is exciting news! We aren’t stamped out of a cookie cutter mold – there is wiggle room in our DNA to accommodate the differences in gender, birth order, culture, and experiences. This helps explain why siblings all turn out differently even though they were raised in the same environment, and by the same parents; they have a variation in their DNA. It could also explain why they are alike, body structure, gestures, voice, etc. – they share the same DNA.
To read more in this subject of DNA and personality visit: http://budurl.com/la9t and http://budurl.com/xpmq.
The verdict of Nature verses Nurture is in – modern scientific research has proven that our basic personality traits are hard wired into our DNA, and our environment is the driving force behind its variations and maturity. So, it’s safe to say we get our personality from our parents – through the genes they pass on to us and from the culture and environments in which we are raised.
There are many contributing factors in human development and it can make a person cross-eyed just thinking about it. To help simplify it a bit I have created a short list of contributing factors which go into making us who we are.
1. Personality – we are all born hard-wired with one. This determines our basic responses; extravert, introvert, follower, leader, and determines our desires, what we want most in life; control, order, fun, peace and so on.
2. Birth Order – studies have shown that our “position in the tribe” plays a huge part in imprinting behaviors. A first born may show more signs of taking the lead verses a last born, who may be happier letting someone else do it, while middle children feel like they get lost in the shuffle.
3. Gender – no doubt about it, men and women are different - hormones rein supreme!
4. Childhood Experiences – in childhood we start building the mental and emotional foundations that will be our platform or belief system for adult life. Here’s where we decide if we are loved or loathed, smart or stupid, worthy or worthless.
5. Adult Experiences – everyone has a different path and our individual path can either pull the rug out from under us or provide the success and passion to follow our dreams and goals.
6. Spiritual Bias – cultures and religions help develop our moral code. Our sense of right and wrong will be the driving force behind all we do and how we respond when that moral code is violated.
If you do the emotional math with the six things that make you who you are, there is no way, no matter how many people are born over endless generations that two people could ever be exactly alike. We are truly “one of a kind.”
Now that we have briefly covered how our personality is formed, we can examine how a personality can become toxic. But, first let’s review the eight personality categories again. There are four basic and four blended personality types, each having unique strengths, struggles, emotional needs and desires. In Part 1, the list of struggles focused on the toxic part of each personality, but for this section we will list the normal strengths and struggles of each personality category, along with their emotional needs and desires.
Playful (Sanguine) The color Yellow
Strengths: Sunny, Charming, Cheerleader, Makes friends easily
Struggles: Talks too much, Looses focus easily, Loses track of time and things
Emotional Needs: Attention, Affection, Acceptance – As is,
Desire: To have FUN!
Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric) The color Orange
Strengths: Courageous, Creative, Optimistic, Outgoing
Struggles: Can’t say “no,” Overconfident, Loud, Gets bored quickly
Emotional Needs: Approval, Attention, Activity
Desire: To be the spokesperson.
Powerful (Choleric) The color Red
Strengths: Confident, Assertive, Full of action, In charge.
Struggles: Overly opinionated, Arrogant, Usurps Authority, Impatient
Emotional Needs: Achievement, Credit for their work, Loyalty
Desire: To be in control.
Producer (Choleric/Melancholic) The color Purple
Strengths: Exacting, Commanding, Detailed planner, Organized
Struggles: Inflexible, Perfectionistic, Workaholic, Too bossy
Emotional Needs: A sense of control, Systematic organization, Support
Desire: To be the leader.
Proper (Melancholic) The color Blue
Strengths: Analytical, Proper, Sensitive, Artistic
Struggles: Negative, Selfish, Poor self image, Hold feelings and ideas hostage
Emotional Needs: Alone time, Sensitivity to their feelings, Silence
Desire: To have things done properly.
Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic) The color Aqua
Strengths: Diplomatic, Deep thinker, Works well alone, Principled
Struggles: Negative attitude, Fearful, Full of self doubt, Passive-aggressive
Emotional Needs: Understanding, Respect for who they are, Harmony
Desire: To find common ground
Peaceful (Phlegmatic) The color Green
Strengths: Laid back, Kind, Good listener, Gracious
Struggles: Unenthusiastic, Stubborn, Gives in easily to keep peace, Procrastinates
Emotional Needs: Peace and quiet, Feelings of worth, Rest/Sleep
Desire: To sit down and observe
Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine) The color Peridot
Strengths: Companionable, Witty, Easy going, Fun friend
Struggles: Undisciplined, Easily tempted, Shallow, Dislikes schedules
Emotional Needs: Affection, Low stress levels, Rest
Desire: To play nice with others
Our emotional needs and desires are the key to staying healthy or why we become toxic. Emotional needs are not wants, they are needs on the same level as air, food, water, and shelter. Think about it, what would you do if someone cut off your air supply – kick, bite, scratch, dig, plead? Chances are you would do whatever it takes to get that air supply regained. The same is true for emotional needs; we will do whatever it takes to sate these needs. When our emotional needs go unmet for too long, we instinctively do what ever it takes to make us feel better. Many times we steal these needs, which can turn healthy emotional needs into toxic addictions. Let’s take another look at our cast of toxic characters and see what might have contributed to their toxicity.
Lucy Love-me – Playful (Sanguine – Yellow)
Emotional Needs: Attention, Affection, Acceptance – As is,
Desire: To have FUN!
Playfuls are desperate for affection (physical touch), but if the people they love most don’t “love on them” enough or properly, they will start to create ways to steal this need for affection. Creating a rescue scenario is one of the best ways for Playfuls to steal two of their deepest emotional needs – Attention and Affection. Because Playfuls are fun and exciting, we want to hang out with them, only before you know it, you’re fixing their problems. Rescue always draws attention and we normally hug someone who’s crying, so voila, needs met! (They don’t lie in bed thinking up these scenarios, it just come naturally to them.)
In order to stay in relationship with a Toxic Playful, you will need to set firm, but kind boundaries. This means you will let them suffer the consequences of their actions, without abandoning or rescuing them, ie. Do not do their homework for them or call into work and lie for them, but instead, sit with them while they do their own homework or encourage them to buck-it-up and go to work. Keep in mind, Playfuls rarely change their ways after “suffering the consequences,” but setting healthy boundaries will keep you from going over the edge with them.
Remember: A hug is always a comforting gesture and a perfectly healthy thing to do.
Suzy Sweet-talker – Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric - Orange)
Emotional Needs: Approval, Attention, Activity
Desire: To be the spokesperson.
A Promoter’s need to be on stage is the driving force behind their whirlwind activities. There’s nothing more satisfying than an audience full of worshiping fans. Their charisma and enthusiasm is infectious, making any idea they come up with hard to resist. Before you know it, you have purchased a set of very expensive cutlery you didn’t need or under write the cost of a new project. Afterwards, you may regret the purchase or project you got roped into, but the Promoter isn’t concerned with your feelings, they have moved on. Did you listen to the spill? Did you buy into the plan? That all adds up to approval, even if it’s not genuine.
If you want this relationship to last longer than a season, you will need to learn to move as fast as the Promoter can think and leave your cash at home. Only bring enough “cash” to cover your own expenses and don’t divulge that you even have any. Promoters are famous for not carrying any money with them making it hard to cover the tip, a quick cup of coffee, or cab fair, which of course you will cover. Setting firm boundaries about your giving, be it time or money, will help you from feeling “used up.”
Remember: It’s perfectly fine to enjoy the presence of a great performer.
Tony Tactless – Powerful (Choleric - Red)
Emotional Needs: A sense of control, Credit for their work, Loyalty
Desire: To fix it.
The hardest thing in the world for a Powerful to do is to let someone else make decisions. Even as small children they always want a say in the matter. If not given the chance to express their ideas and wants as children, this need for control gets out of control, creating an angry tyrant who thinks everyone and everything is “stupid.” Being in a conversation with a Powerful may feel like being in an emotional arm wrestling contest – winner takes all. Powerfuls have an uncanny ability to see what is wrong and think they know how to fix it. The problem is they don’t know how to keep their observations to themselves. They expose other people’s problems thinking they want things fixed now, only this is not entirely true. People may want their problems fixed, but they don’t want to be exposed in the process. Powerfuls will say things that hurt your feelings, (even if what they say is true) and overstep the boundaries, because they don’t see them.
The best approach for being in relationship with a Powerful is to be honest and up front, don’t lie to them just to keep the peace. Stand up for your right to have an opinion that is different from theirs even if you think they will be mad at you for it. They will respect you more for standing up for yourself. If you know they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, by what they said or did, tell them they hurt you. A Powerful will NOT change if they don’t know they did anything wrong. . Forgiveness goes along way.
Remember: It’s OK to give credit and praise for a job well done, even if you don’t like the person.
Carla Critic – Producer (Choleric/Melancholic - Purple)
Emotional Needs: Achievement, Systematic organization, Support
Desire: To be the leader.
Producers are classic over achievers and it makes sense when understand their deepest needs are to systematically achieve more than anyone else. The job of a producer, either on a movie, or stage play is to over see the whole production, making sure everything is done just right; down to the last detail. In a nut shell – the buck stops here. Being natural connoisseurs makes them less tolerant of the average and absolutely repulsed by the mundane. With that in mind it’s no wonder our Producer is so picky and carries an air of repulsion toward average things and people.
If you understand there is no middle ground with Producers; you are either right and there fore accepted or you are wrong and then dismissed, life with them will be less painful. Their acceptance or rejection of you has more to do with achievement than liking or not liking you. When difficulties arise in the relationship, ask yourself, “Am I getting the job done, or am I getting in the way?” From that point, you can adjust what you’re doing – lead, follow or get out of the way!
Remember: Perfection, genius, and classic works of art, come at a price, which is usually the rejection of anything less than the best.
Dorthea Dismay – Proper (Melancholic - Blue)
Emotional Needs: Alone time, Sensitivity to their feelings, Silence
Desire: To have things done properly.
Manors, decorum, and etiquette are the heart beat of the Propers. It causes them physical pain when they have to watch systems and behaviors that are improper. As we look around, there is plenty of improper stuff going on, so it’s logical to expect the Propers to retreat to a less painful place; a personal safe space, without noise and chaos, where their psyches can recover. This would all be fine if we knew this is what is happening, but for the person who is in relationship with a Proper, it feels like rejection.
If you are in relationship with a Proper, the best thing you can do is learn the silent signals and clues that indicate what is going on inside your Proper partner. Think of them like being a bank safe, full of valuable things. There are two ways to open a safe, either blow it up or learn the combination to the lock. Both ways work, but only way works more than once. If the safe door is blown off its hinges, it won’t work right any more and becomes useless for holding valuables.
Remember: Manors do matter.
Kevin Killjoy – Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic - Aqua)
Emotional Needs: Understanding, Respect for who they are, Harmony
Desire: To find common ground
For the most part Peacekeepers don’t have too many problems in casual relationships It’s the more constant relationships in their lives, like dating, marriage and work that the problems arise. Peacekeepers are not normally fast thinkers, so if a quick decision is needed, it just might not happen. Fear guides most of their decisions, “What will the neighbors think?” “What if…” This fearful thinking may be cautious and considerate, but it derails progress. Living with a Peacekeeper who is frozen in fear makes it hard to get anything done. When it becomes too hard to get a Peacekeeper moving one of two things tend to happen; the partner gives up and moves on without them or passive-aggressive mind games start.
One of the best ways to help a Peacekeeper over come fear is by taking the time to understand where their fears are coming from and quietly talk through them with out name calling or blame. Also, understanding there is more in life than getting things done, there is intrinsic worth in being a “nice guy.”
Remember: Being considerate counts.
Larry Lackluster – Peaceful (Phlegmatic - Green)
Emotional Needs: Peace and quiet, Feelings of worth, Rest/Sleep
Desire: To sit down and observe
Peacefuls tend to avoid agreeing with every one’s opinion, wanting to stay out of the opinion fray as much as possible. The only problem with this is everyone thinks the Peaceful is already on their side and involves them in the mess anyway. A Peaceful will say whatever the other person wants to hear, which many times is a lie. Lies don’t make for healthy relationships. When put under enough pressure a Peaceful will just go to sleep, which usually adds fuel to the fire.
If you find yourself in relationship with a Peaceful, it’s a good idea to have a realistic “to do” list for them. Peacefuls have two speeds – slow and slower, so to expect them to move at a breakneck speed is unrealistic. Sleep is one of their greatest needs, and if they don’t have enough, their brains don’t work. If slow and slower aren’t working for you, having their brain in the off position is not going to make things better. Give them the gift of a nap once in a while. Don’t make them feel worthless just because they can’t move at the speed of light.
Remember: Being nice to people – is nice.
Wendy Wishy-washy – Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine - Peridot)
Emotional Needs: Acceptance , Low stress levels, Rest
Desire: To play nice with others.
Partners, like the Peacekeepers usually don’t have too many relationship problems, except for their wishy-washiness. They agree with everyone! The only problem with this is, eventually they get caught in opinion cross fire, with each side wanting the Partner to side with them. Then being too laid back, too easy going, too agreeable, makes people suspect of their motives. Their lack of personal boundaries and a deep need to be accepted put them at risk of being used and abused by more powerful people.
If you are in relationships with a Partner, be thankful. They tend to be everybody’s best friend. To help them over come some of their flightiness, be consistent with your own emotional mood swings and opinions – let your no be NO and your yes be YES. Let your maybe, have a little hope in it. Use a softer tone to your voice and above all be patient.
Remember: Praise is a powerful motivator.
Not all toxic personalities are toxic to all people. Obviously, there are personality types that have to work at getting long more than others. Understanding the “why” behind the behavior helps take the personal offense out of the situation. If you know a Powerful is a bit on the bossy side, it won’t come as such a surprise when you find a bony finger in your face someday. Like wise when you encounter someone moving in slow gear, you then know you will need to slow down yourself or pass on the left.
Each personality has strengths and struggle and it is up to each individual to develop their strengths and minimize their weaknesses because we all have to potential to be someone else’s Toxic Personality.
In understanding how personalities become toxic, it would be a good idea to investigate how they are formed in the first place. It has been a long standing argument of the scientific community weather our personality is formed by our environment or by our biological make up. Are we born “blank” waiting for our caregivers to install information into our brain, or are we born already hard-wired with the information that will dictate our preferences?
Since cracking the gene code, research has uncovered new findings about how DNA encoding affects the receptors in the brain which in turn determines how we respond to our environment. Thomas Insel, a director at the national Institute of Mental Health comments on this new finding, "Research appears to have found one of those hotspots in the genome where small differences can have large functional impact. The researchers found individual differences not in a protein-coding region, but in an area that determines a gene's expression in the brain. This is an extraordinary example of research linking gene variation - to brain receptors - to behavior."
DNA research may be a bit over most of our heads, but this is exciting news! We aren’t stamped out of a cookie cutter mold – there is wiggle room in our DNA to accommodate the differences in gender, birth order, culture, and experiences. This helps explain why siblings all turn out differently even though they were raised in the same environment, and by the same parents; they have a variation in their DNA. It could also explain why they are alike, body structure, gestures, voice, etc. – they share the same DNA.
To read more in this subject of DNA and personality visit: http://budurl.com/la9t and http://budurl.com/xpmq.
The verdict of Nature verses Nurture is in – modern scientific research has proven that our basic personality traits are hard wired into our DNA, and our environment is the driving force behind its variations and maturity. So, it’s safe to say we get our personality from our parents – through the genes they pass on to us and from the culture and environments in which we are raised.
There are many contributing factors in human development and it can make a person cross-eyed just thinking about it. To help simplify it a bit I have created a short list of contributing factors which go into making us who we are.
1. Personality – we are all born hard-wired with one. This determines our basic responses; extravert, introvert, follower, leader, and determines our desires, what we want most in life; control, order, fun, peace and so on.
2. Birth Order – studies have shown that our “position in the tribe” plays a huge part in imprinting behaviors. A first born may show more signs of taking the lead verses a last born, who may be happier letting someone else do it, while middle children feel like they get lost in the shuffle.
3. Gender – no doubt about it, men and women are different - hormones rein supreme!
4. Childhood Experiences – in childhood we start building the mental and emotional foundations that will be our platform or belief system for adult life. Here’s where we decide if we are loved or loathed, smart or stupid, worthy or worthless.
5. Adult Experiences – everyone has a different path and our individual path can either pull the rug out from under us or provide the success and passion to follow our dreams and goals.
6. Spiritual Bias – cultures and religions help develop our moral code. Our sense of right and wrong will be the driving force behind all we do and how we respond when that moral code is violated.
If you do the emotional math with the six things that make you who you are, there is no way, no matter how many people are born over endless generations that two people could ever be exactly alike. We are truly “one of a kind.”
Now that we have briefly covered how our personality is formed, we can examine how a personality can become toxic. But, first let’s review the eight personality categories again. There are four basic and four blended personality types, each having unique strengths, struggles, emotional needs and desires. In Part 1, the list of struggles focused on the toxic part of each personality, but for this section we will list the normal strengths and struggles of each personality category, along with their emotional needs and desires.
Playful (Sanguine) The color Yellow
Strengths: Sunny, Charming, Cheerleader, Makes friends easily
Struggles: Talks too much, Looses focus easily, Loses track of time and things
Emotional Needs: Attention, Affection, Acceptance – As is,
Desire: To have FUN!
Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric) The color Orange
Strengths: Courageous, Creative, Optimistic, Outgoing
Struggles: Can’t say “no,” Overconfident, Loud, Gets bored quickly
Emotional Needs: Approval, Attention, Activity
Desire: To be the spokesperson.
Powerful (Choleric) The color Red
Strengths: Confident, Assertive, Full of action, In charge.
Struggles: Overly opinionated, Arrogant, Usurps Authority, Impatient
Emotional Needs: Achievement, Credit for their work, Loyalty
Desire: To be in control.
Producer (Choleric/Melancholic) The color Purple
Strengths: Exacting, Commanding, Detailed planner, Organized
Struggles: Inflexible, Perfectionistic, Workaholic, Too bossy
Emotional Needs: A sense of control, Systematic organization, Support
Desire: To be the leader.
Proper (Melancholic) The color Blue
Strengths: Analytical, Proper, Sensitive, Artistic
Struggles: Negative, Selfish, Poor self image, Hold feelings and ideas hostage
Emotional Needs: Alone time, Sensitivity to their feelings, Silence
Desire: To have things done properly.
Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic) The color Aqua
Strengths: Diplomatic, Deep thinker, Works well alone, Principled
Struggles: Negative attitude, Fearful, Full of self doubt, Passive-aggressive
Emotional Needs: Understanding, Respect for who they are, Harmony
Desire: To find common ground
Peaceful (Phlegmatic) The color Green
Strengths: Laid back, Kind, Good listener, Gracious
Struggles: Unenthusiastic, Stubborn, Gives in easily to keep peace, Procrastinates
Emotional Needs: Peace and quiet, Feelings of worth, Rest/Sleep
Desire: To sit down and observe
Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine) The color Peridot
Strengths: Companionable, Witty, Easy going, Fun friend
Struggles: Undisciplined, Easily tempted, Shallow, Dislikes schedules
Emotional Needs: Affection, Low stress levels, Rest
Desire: To play nice with others
Our emotional needs and desires are the key to staying healthy or why we become toxic. Emotional needs are not wants, they are needs on the same level as air, food, water, and shelter. Think about it, what would you do if someone cut off your air supply – kick, bite, scratch, dig, plead? Chances are you would do whatever it takes to get that air supply regained. The same is true for emotional needs; we will do whatever it takes to sate these needs. When our emotional needs go unmet for too long, we instinctively do what ever it takes to make us feel better. Many times we steal these needs, which can turn healthy emotional needs into toxic addictions. Let’s take another look at our cast of toxic characters and see what might have contributed to their toxicity.
Lucy Love-me – Playful (Sanguine – Yellow)
Emotional Needs: Attention, Affection, Acceptance – As is,
Desire: To have FUN!
Playfuls are desperate for affection (physical touch), but if the people they love most don’t “love on them” enough or properly, they will start to create ways to steal this need for affection. Creating a rescue scenario is one of the best ways for Playfuls to steal two of their deepest emotional needs – Attention and Affection. Because Playfuls are fun and exciting, we want to hang out with them, only before you know it, you’re fixing their problems. Rescue always draws attention and we normally hug someone who’s crying, so voila, needs met! (They don’t lie in bed thinking up these scenarios, it just come naturally to them.)
In order to stay in relationship with a Toxic Playful, you will need to set firm, but kind boundaries. This means you will let them suffer the consequences of their actions, without abandoning or rescuing them, ie. Do not do their homework for them or call into work and lie for them, but instead, sit with them while they do their own homework or encourage them to buck-it-up and go to work. Keep in mind, Playfuls rarely change their ways after “suffering the consequences,” but setting healthy boundaries will keep you from going over the edge with them.
Remember: A hug is always a comforting gesture and a perfectly healthy thing to do.
Suzy Sweet-talker – Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric - Orange)
Emotional Needs: Approval, Attention, Activity
Desire: To be the spokesperson.
A Promoter’s need to be on stage is the driving force behind their whirlwind activities. There’s nothing more satisfying than an audience full of worshiping fans. Their charisma and enthusiasm is infectious, making any idea they come up with hard to resist. Before you know it, you have purchased a set of very expensive cutlery you didn’t need or under write the cost of a new project. Afterwards, you may regret the purchase or project you got roped into, but the Promoter isn’t concerned with your feelings, they have moved on. Did you listen to the spill? Did you buy into the plan? That all adds up to approval, even if it’s not genuine.
If you want this relationship to last longer than a season, you will need to learn to move as fast as the Promoter can think and leave your cash at home. Only bring enough “cash” to cover your own expenses and don’t divulge that you even have any. Promoters are famous for not carrying any money with them making it hard to cover the tip, a quick cup of coffee, or cab fair, which of course you will cover. Setting firm boundaries about your giving, be it time or money, will help you from feeling “used up.”
Remember: It’s perfectly fine to enjoy the presence of a great performer.
Tony Tactless – Powerful (Choleric - Red)
Emotional Needs: A sense of control, Credit for their work, Loyalty
Desire: To fix it.
The hardest thing in the world for a Powerful to do is to let someone else make decisions. Even as small children they always want a say in the matter. If not given the chance to express their ideas and wants as children, this need for control gets out of control, creating an angry tyrant who thinks everyone and everything is “stupid.” Being in a conversation with a Powerful may feel like being in an emotional arm wrestling contest – winner takes all. Powerfuls have an uncanny ability to see what is wrong and think they know how to fix it. The problem is they don’t know how to keep their observations to themselves. They expose other people’s problems thinking they want things fixed now, only this is not entirely true. People may want their problems fixed, but they don’t want to be exposed in the process. Powerfuls will say things that hurt your feelings, (even if what they say is true) and overstep the boundaries, because they don’t see them.
The best approach for being in relationship with a Powerful is to be honest and up front, don’t lie to them just to keep the peace. Stand up for your right to have an opinion that is different from theirs even if you think they will be mad at you for it. They will respect you more for standing up for yourself. If you know they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, by what they said or did, tell them they hurt you. A Powerful will NOT change if they don’t know they did anything wrong. . Forgiveness goes along way.
Remember: It’s OK to give credit and praise for a job well done, even if you don’t like the person.
Carla Critic – Producer (Choleric/Melancholic - Purple)
Emotional Needs: Achievement, Systematic organization, Support
Desire: To be the leader.
Producers are classic over achievers and it makes sense when understand their deepest needs are to systematically achieve more than anyone else. The job of a producer, either on a movie, or stage play is to over see the whole production, making sure everything is done just right; down to the last detail. In a nut shell – the buck stops here. Being natural connoisseurs makes them less tolerant of the average and absolutely repulsed by the mundane. With that in mind it’s no wonder our Producer is so picky and carries an air of repulsion toward average things and people.
If you understand there is no middle ground with Producers; you are either right and there fore accepted or you are wrong and then dismissed, life with them will be less painful. Their acceptance or rejection of you has more to do with achievement than liking or not liking you. When difficulties arise in the relationship, ask yourself, “Am I getting the job done, or am I getting in the way?” From that point, you can adjust what you’re doing – lead, follow or get out of the way!
Remember: Perfection, genius, and classic works of art, come at a price, which is usually the rejection of anything less than the best.
Dorthea Dismay – Proper (Melancholic - Blue)
Emotional Needs: Alone time, Sensitivity to their feelings, Silence
Desire: To have things done properly.
Manors, decorum, and etiquette are the heart beat of the Propers. It causes them physical pain when they have to watch systems and behaviors that are improper. As we look around, there is plenty of improper stuff going on, so it’s logical to expect the Propers to retreat to a less painful place; a personal safe space, without noise and chaos, where their psyches can recover. This would all be fine if we knew this is what is happening, but for the person who is in relationship with a Proper, it feels like rejection.
If you are in relationship with a Proper, the best thing you can do is learn the silent signals and clues that indicate what is going on inside your Proper partner. Think of them like being a bank safe, full of valuable things. There are two ways to open a safe, either blow it up or learn the combination to the lock. Both ways work, but only way works more than once. If the safe door is blown off its hinges, it won’t work right any more and becomes useless for holding valuables.
Remember: Manors do matter.
Kevin Killjoy – Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic - Aqua)
Emotional Needs: Understanding, Respect for who they are, Harmony
Desire: To find common ground
For the most part Peacekeepers don’t have too many problems in casual relationships It’s the more constant relationships in their lives, like dating, marriage and work that the problems arise. Peacekeepers are not normally fast thinkers, so if a quick decision is needed, it just might not happen. Fear guides most of their decisions, “What will the neighbors think?” “What if…” This fearful thinking may be cautious and considerate, but it derails progress. Living with a Peacekeeper who is frozen in fear makes it hard to get anything done. When it becomes too hard to get a Peacekeeper moving one of two things tend to happen; the partner gives up and moves on without them or passive-aggressive mind games start.
One of the best ways to help a Peacekeeper over come fear is by taking the time to understand where their fears are coming from and quietly talk through them with out name calling or blame. Also, understanding there is more in life than getting things done, there is intrinsic worth in being a “nice guy.”
Remember: Being considerate counts.
Larry Lackluster – Peaceful (Phlegmatic - Green)
Emotional Needs: Peace and quiet, Feelings of worth, Rest/Sleep
Desire: To sit down and observe
Peacefuls tend to avoid agreeing with every one’s opinion, wanting to stay out of the opinion fray as much as possible. The only problem with this is everyone thinks the Peaceful is already on their side and involves them in the mess anyway. A Peaceful will say whatever the other person wants to hear, which many times is a lie. Lies don’t make for healthy relationships. When put under enough pressure a Peaceful will just go to sleep, which usually adds fuel to the fire.
If you find yourself in relationship with a Peaceful, it’s a good idea to have a realistic “to do” list for them. Peacefuls have two speeds – slow and slower, so to expect them to move at a breakneck speed is unrealistic. Sleep is one of their greatest needs, and if they don’t have enough, their brains don’t work. If slow and slower aren’t working for you, having their brain in the off position is not going to make things better. Give them the gift of a nap once in a while. Don’t make them feel worthless just because they can’t move at the speed of light.
Remember: Being nice to people – is nice.
Wendy Wishy-washy – Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine - Peridot)
Emotional Needs: Acceptance , Low stress levels, Rest
Desire: To play nice with others.
Partners, like the Peacekeepers usually don’t have too many relationship problems, except for their wishy-washiness. They agree with everyone! The only problem with this is, eventually they get caught in opinion cross fire, with each side wanting the Partner to side with them. Then being too laid back, too easy going, too agreeable, makes people suspect of their motives. Their lack of personal boundaries and a deep need to be accepted put them at risk of being used and abused by more powerful people.
If you are in relationships with a Partner, be thankful. They tend to be everybody’s best friend. To help them over come some of their flightiness, be consistent with your own emotional mood swings and opinions – let your no be NO and your yes be YES. Let your maybe, have a little hope in it. Use a softer tone to your voice and above all be patient.
Remember: Praise is a powerful motivator.
Not all toxic personalities are toxic to all people. Obviously, there are personality types that have to work at getting long more than others. Understanding the “why” behind the behavior helps take the personal offense out of the situation. If you know a Powerful is a bit on the bossy side, it won’t come as such a surprise when you find a bony finger in your face someday. Like wise when you encounter someone moving in slow gear, you then know you will need to slow down yourself or pass on the left.
Each personality has strengths and struggle and it is up to each individual to develop their strengths and minimize their weaknesses because we all have to potential to be someone else’s Toxic Personality.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
They Can Drive You NUTS!
We all have that certain type of person that sets us off, you know the kind, the one we find yourself in relationship with over and over again, and when the relationship starts to falter we ask ourselves, "How do I get myself into these messes? I should know better by now."
When we don't "see" certain behaviors, we walk right into them time and time again. It's like being emotionally blindfolded, feeling our way through life. After a while we are exhausted from trying to figure it all out. In some cases we can become deeply wounded, and too gun shy to venture into any other new relationships.
Let's start this weeks discussion by identifying the type of personality that is hardest for each of us to handle. Is it people who are...
* Blatantly opinionated
* Too laid back
* Overly talkative
* Too proper
* Hard to please (picky)
* Wishy-washy
* Scatterbrained
* All up in your business
Or _______________ (you fill in the blank)
I'll tell you my hardest person to deal with - The silent planners. Being a Playful Sanguine, I think out loud. For some reason my brain thinks clearer when my ears are part of the process, so my thoughts come out my mouth and into my ears before I know I have thought the thought. Now the silent planners in my life assume I think like them, that I have worked it all out long before I share my ideas and plans with others, like they do, but I don't. They become frustrated with me, thinking I'm wishy-washy or that I keep changing my mind, only I haven't even made up my mind yet to change it.
Can you see the relationship problem coming? Well, I didn't until I stop to analyse the repeat patterns. Now I know, I must get my ducks in a row before I share my exciting plans and ideas with my silent planner friends (and family).
So, what kind of person is hard for you to get along with? (Be honest, but kind. Please do not mention names.)
If you are new to the idea of personalities, visit the website to hear a recorded conference I gave on the subject. It' s FREE - Enjoy! http://www.personalityprinciples.com
When we don't "see" certain behaviors, we walk right into them time and time again. It's like being emotionally blindfolded, feeling our way through life. After a while we are exhausted from trying to figure it all out. In some cases we can become deeply wounded, and too gun shy to venture into any other new relationships.
Let's start this weeks discussion by identifying the type of personality that is hardest for each of us to handle. Is it people who are...
* Blatantly opinionated
* Too laid back
* Overly talkative
* Too proper
* Hard to please (picky)
* Wishy-washy
* Scatterbrained
* All up in your business
Or _______________ (you fill in the blank)
I'll tell you my hardest person to deal with - The silent planners. Being a Playful Sanguine, I think out loud. For some reason my brain thinks clearer when my ears are part of the process, so my thoughts come out my mouth and into my ears before I know I have thought the thought. Now the silent planners in my life assume I think like them, that I have worked it all out long before I share my ideas and plans with others, like they do, but I don't. They become frustrated with me, thinking I'm wishy-washy or that I keep changing my mind, only I haven't even made up my mind yet to change it.
Can you see the relationship problem coming? Well, I didn't until I stop to analyse the repeat patterns. Now I know, I must get my ducks in a row before I share my exciting plans and ideas with my silent planner friends (and family).
So, what kind of person is hard for you to get along with? (Be honest, but kind. Please do not mention names.)
If you are new to the idea of personalities, visit the website to hear a recorded conference I gave on the subject. It' s FREE - Enjoy! http://www.personalityprinciples.com
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Toxic Personalities - Part One
By Kathryn Robbins CPC
No way around it, we all have people who make our lives difficult. It can be a co-worker, boss, parent, sibling, friend, spouse or even our kids. Oops, I forgot the neighbors. The question is what can we do about them? Recently, I read an article by Brett Blumenthal, on 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid. She give us clues as to what theses toxic people look like, but she ends her article with, “Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity, If you can, avoid spending much time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier.”
Really - will I be happier playing the “Artful Dodger?”
I don’t know how she lives her life, but I can’t spend my days “avoiding” people I don’t like. What if these un-likables are my family members – husband, siblings, or my kids? Let’s be honest, we are not “stary-eyed” in love with them all the time. Fact is it’s the people closest to us who can get under our skin the easiest. Other than quitting our jobs, getting a divorce – vowing never to marry again, and putting our children up for adoption, what can we do? What if we love these toxic people and don’t want to get rid of them, what then?
People don’t usually wear hazard stickers warning us of their toxicity, but they do give off visible clues, if we know what to look for. Let’s meet a few of the more “common” toxic personalities. (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)
Lucy Love-me – Love them we do! We almost can’t help but love them. They can pour on the charm, make us laugh and suck every drop of grace out of us until we are bone dry. The amount of drama that revolves around these people is a sight to behold, like a tornado creating enough power to pull you in, getting you to stop focusing on your life and start rescuing them from theirs. At some point in the relationship, you realize the love they radiate is all for them and none for you. The moment you require love in return – they fly away, like a butterfly off to a new flower filled with a fresh source of sweet nectar love. You on the other hand are left with a bundle of mixed feelings; exhaustion, lose of personal goals, feeling used and lonely.
Suzy Sweet-talker – They know just the right words to say and what buttons to push in order to get you doing whatever it is they want you to do. They are almost as narcissistic as Lucy Love-me, only with a bit less drama. They are the stuff the proverbial “Used Car Salesman” is made of. If you are not careful, you could find yourself holding the bag for another one of their schemes. Every cloud has a silver lining, every rainbow its pot of gold and every fool has money just waiting to be parted, and if you happen to be that fool, don’t be surprised by their lack of remorse or fair play, because in the end it will be your fault their scheme didn’t work out. They have a knack for walking away clean and leaving you to mop up the mess.
Tony Tactless – Here we have an opinionated, bony-finger in your face kind of person! Rules and boundaries are but mere suggestions to them. In fact they feel rules are for stupid people – not them! No matter what you do or plan to do, they will find a better way to do it, and strong arm you into doing their way, even if they don’t plan to help in the venture. As young children they are the bullies on the block and as they grow older they apply these same tactics to almost all of their relationships. After a while you realize you are exhausted from defending yourself every moment you are with them. If you work for this type of person, life can be miserable. Sue Thompson’s new book, Sheer Living Hell: Surviving a Tormenting Work Environment, will be a helpful handbook for those who work with these toxic people.
Carla Critic – Nothing is ever good enough. Try as you may, you will never win their approval. Their unrealistic expectations keep growing with each and every success you achieve, and with each success comes the “tear down,” verbal or subliminal. It’s a scene straight out of Cinderella, “Who you – go to the ball? Don’t be absurd.” Then comes the look, “I think I smell dog pooh. Would you please check YOUR shoes?” The energy and focus it takes to stay above the waterline becomes so consuming that whatever self worth we’ve salvaged after our Junior High School days, is now washed away. Happiness – yours or theirs is not going to happen no matter how hard we try.
Dorthea Dismay – They can’t see the up-side to any situation, even when good things do happen. They love to dwell on tomorrow’s troubles. If you share an accomplishment with them like passing your drivers test, they are quick to tell you the statistics about highway fatalities. If you share a joke that cracked you up, they respond with a stoic look and a concerned comment, “How many people have to told that to?” as if there is something wrong with you for thinking it’s funny. Soon you find yourself keeping your dreams to yourself, and before you know it, your dreams start to wither for lack of open air. It is not uncommon for people to become depressed around these people. Oh, what a surprise!
Kevin Killjoy – is a first cousin to Dorthea Dismay. Share an idea with this type of person and watch what happens – FEAR! “Well…are you sure that’s what you really want to do? I’m not sure I would do it that way…but, I’m sure you have done your research, so do what you want.” The initial response to this is either self doubt or rebellion. The “pleaser” type personalities will default to self doubt, wondering if there really is a huge flaw in the plan, while the “doers” become angry and take personal offense at the idea of their capabilities being questioned. With time the Pleasers are shamed into doing nothing and the Doers don’t give the Killjoys the time of day.
Larry Lackluster – Not all toxic personalities are actively causing trouble, some toxic behaviors are passive in nature. Stay neutral about everything and see how people react. Not having an opinion on anything, and agreeing with everyone means somewhere down the line this person is telling a lie to someone, and most people do NOT like to be lied to. The insincerity of this behavior doesn’t foster solid relationships. At some point in time we all want to hear the truth and feel supported. Emotion is the power which propels us, so when there’s no wind in the sail, we have to use the ores – back breaking work. Too many times when a relationship becomes “back breaking work,” we quit working at it.
Wendy Wishy-washy – Being everything to everyone has a similar affect on relationships as Larry Lackluster’s passive toxicity of neutrality - it causes a serious level of dishonesty. If you are for everything, there are no boundaries. When there are no boundaries, there is a level of recklessness that can cause out of control behaviors – up one day and down the next – I love you –I hate you – I love you – I hate you. There’s no safety net for this type of toxicity. Eventually we become emotionally motion sick and beg to get off the ride, no matter how fun it was in the beginning.
As a Personality Trainer and Relationship Coach, I have chosen these toxic behaviors, because they fall in line with personality types. Each personality type has strengths, struggles, desires and emotional needs especially tailored for them -- hard wired right into our DNA. When our personalities have not had their emotional needs meet, you can count on dysfunctional or toxic behaviors taking place.
Let me introduce you to the personalities behind these toxic behaviors. This will only be an introduction. I will go into more depth about each personality’s strengths, struggles, desires and emotional needs in part two. Obviously, if we are examining toxic behaviors we are looking at the struggles or weakness side of the personalities.
Each personality listed below has an Adjective, Greek name, and Color to identify their basic nature. There are four basic personality types, based on Hippocrates Greek terms and four blended personalities, for a total of eight categories.
Lucy Love-me – Playful (Sanguine.) The color Yellow
Struggles: narcissistic, unfaithful, gossip, self indulgent
Strengths: Sunny, happy, cheerleader, care-free.
Suzy Sweet-talker – Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric) The color Orange
Struggles: Over sells their ability, crafty, stretches the truth, con-artist
Strengths: Courageous, creative, optimistic, outgoing
Tony Tactless – Powerful (Choleric) The color Red
Struggles: Overly opinionated, hot head, bully, likes to argue
Strengths: Powerful, accretive, full of action, in charge.
Carla Critic – Producer (Choleric/Melancholic) The color Purple
Struggles: Critical, perfectionistic, condescending, cruel
Strengths: Exacting, commanding, detailed, full of purpose
Dorthea Dismay – Proper (Melancholic) The color Blue
Struggles: Judgmental, selfish, moody, cunning
Strengths: Analytical, proper, sensitive, artistic
Kevin Killjoy – Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic) The color Aqua
Struggles: Negative attitude, fearful, full of self doubt, passive-aggressive
Strengths: Diplomatic, deep thinker, thoughtful, principled
Larry Lackluster – Peaceful (Phlegmatic) The color Green
Struggles: Unenthusiastic, lazy, tells lies to keep peace, procrastinates
Strengths: Laid back, kind, friendly, gracious
Wendy Wishy-washy – Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine) The color Peridot
Struggles: Undisciplined, easily tempted, emotionally wavering, shallow
Strengths: Companionable, good sense of humor, easy going, fun loving
The good news is this – we can learn to love toxic people, even if it turns out that we are one of them. I agree with Brett Blumenthal, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity, but that doesn’t mean we need to “avoid” the people who drive us crazy, we need to learn strategies to live a healthy life style with them still in it.
Kathryn's personality based classes have enlightened a broad range of groups, from corporate to faith-based organizations, through in-person workshops, teleconferences, and on-line webinars. Many have found Pesonality Principles to be a great tool in coaching and counseling.
No way around it, we all have people who make our lives difficult. It can be a co-worker, boss, parent, sibling, friend, spouse or even our kids. Oops, I forgot the neighbors. The question is what can we do about them? Recently, I read an article by Brett Blumenthal, on 8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid. She give us clues as to what theses toxic people look like, but she ends her article with, “Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity, If you can, avoid spending much time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier.”
Really - will I be happier playing the “Artful Dodger?”
I don’t know how she lives her life, but I can’t spend my days “avoiding” people I don’t like. What if these un-likables are my family members – husband, siblings, or my kids? Let’s be honest, we are not “stary-eyed” in love with them all the time. Fact is it’s the people closest to us who can get under our skin the easiest. Other than quitting our jobs, getting a divorce – vowing never to marry again, and putting our children up for adoption, what can we do? What if we love these toxic people and don’t want to get rid of them, what then?
People don’t usually wear hazard stickers warning us of their toxicity, but they do give off visible clues, if we know what to look for. Let’s meet a few of the more “common” toxic personalities. (Names have been changed to protect the guilty.)
Lucy Love-me – Love them we do! We almost can’t help but love them. They can pour on the charm, make us laugh and suck every drop of grace out of us until we are bone dry. The amount of drama that revolves around these people is a sight to behold, like a tornado creating enough power to pull you in, getting you to stop focusing on your life and start rescuing them from theirs. At some point in the relationship, you realize the love they radiate is all for them and none for you. The moment you require love in return – they fly away, like a butterfly off to a new flower filled with a fresh source of sweet nectar love. You on the other hand are left with a bundle of mixed feelings; exhaustion, lose of personal goals, feeling used and lonely.
Suzy Sweet-talker – They know just the right words to say and what buttons to push in order to get you doing whatever it is they want you to do. They are almost as narcissistic as Lucy Love-me, only with a bit less drama. They are the stuff the proverbial “Used Car Salesman” is made of. If you are not careful, you could find yourself holding the bag for another one of their schemes. Every cloud has a silver lining, every rainbow its pot of gold and every fool has money just waiting to be parted, and if you happen to be that fool, don’t be surprised by their lack of remorse or fair play, because in the end it will be your fault their scheme didn’t work out. They have a knack for walking away clean and leaving you to mop up the mess.
Tony Tactless – Here we have an opinionated, bony-finger in your face kind of person! Rules and boundaries are but mere suggestions to them. In fact they feel rules are for stupid people – not them! No matter what you do or plan to do, they will find a better way to do it, and strong arm you into doing their way, even if they don’t plan to help in the venture. As young children they are the bullies on the block and as they grow older they apply these same tactics to almost all of their relationships. After a while you realize you are exhausted from defending yourself every moment you are with them. If you work for this type of person, life can be miserable. Sue Thompson’s new book, Sheer Living Hell: Surviving a Tormenting Work Environment, will be a helpful handbook for those who work with these toxic people.
Carla Critic – Nothing is ever good enough. Try as you may, you will never win their approval. Their unrealistic expectations keep growing with each and every success you achieve, and with each success comes the “tear down,” verbal or subliminal. It’s a scene straight out of Cinderella, “Who you – go to the ball? Don’t be absurd.” Then comes the look, “I think I smell dog pooh. Would you please check YOUR shoes?” The energy and focus it takes to stay above the waterline becomes so consuming that whatever self worth we’ve salvaged after our Junior High School days, is now washed away. Happiness – yours or theirs is not going to happen no matter how hard we try.
Dorthea Dismay – They can’t see the up-side to any situation, even when good things do happen. They love to dwell on tomorrow’s troubles. If you share an accomplishment with them like passing your drivers test, they are quick to tell you the statistics about highway fatalities. If you share a joke that cracked you up, they respond with a stoic look and a concerned comment, “How many people have to told that to?” as if there is something wrong with you for thinking it’s funny. Soon you find yourself keeping your dreams to yourself, and before you know it, your dreams start to wither for lack of open air. It is not uncommon for people to become depressed around these people. Oh, what a surprise!
Kevin Killjoy – is a first cousin to Dorthea Dismay. Share an idea with this type of person and watch what happens – FEAR! “Well…are you sure that’s what you really want to do? I’m not sure I would do it that way…but, I’m sure you have done your research, so do what you want.” The initial response to this is either self doubt or rebellion. The “pleaser” type personalities will default to self doubt, wondering if there really is a huge flaw in the plan, while the “doers” become angry and take personal offense at the idea of their capabilities being questioned. With time the Pleasers are shamed into doing nothing and the Doers don’t give the Killjoys the time of day.
Larry Lackluster – Not all toxic personalities are actively causing trouble, some toxic behaviors are passive in nature. Stay neutral about everything and see how people react. Not having an opinion on anything, and agreeing with everyone means somewhere down the line this person is telling a lie to someone, and most people do NOT like to be lied to. The insincerity of this behavior doesn’t foster solid relationships. At some point in time we all want to hear the truth and feel supported. Emotion is the power which propels us, so when there’s no wind in the sail, we have to use the ores – back breaking work. Too many times when a relationship becomes “back breaking work,” we quit working at it.
Wendy Wishy-washy – Being everything to everyone has a similar affect on relationships as Larry Lackluster’s passive toxicity of neutrality - it causes a serious level of dishonesty. If you are for everything, there are no boundaries. When there are no boundaries, there is a level of recklessness that can cause out of control behaviors – up one day and down the next – I love you –I hate you – I love you – I hate you. There’s no safety net for this type of toxicity. Eventually we become emotionally motion sick and beg to get off the ride, no matter how fun it was in the beginning.
As a Personality Trainer and Relationship Coach, I have chosen these toxic behaviors, because they fall in line with personality types. Each personality type has strengths, struggles, desires and emotional needs especially tailored for them -- hard wired right into our DNA. When our personalities have not had their emotional needs meet, you can count on dysfunctional or toxic behaviors taking place.
Let me introduce you to the personalities behind these toxic behaviors. This will only be an introduction. I will go into more depth about each personality’s strengths, struggles, desires and emotional needs in part two. Obviously, if we are examining toxic behaviors we are looking at the struggles or weakness side of the personalities.
Each personality listed below has an Adjective, Greek name, and Color to identify their basic nature. There are four basic personality types, based on Hippocrates Greek terms and four blended personalities, for a total of eight categories.
Lucy Love-me – Playful (Sanguine.) The color Yellow
Struggles: narcissistic, unfaithful, gossip, self indulgent
Strengths: Sunny, happy, cheerleader, care-free.
Suzy Sweet-talker – Promoter (Sanguine/Choleric) The color Orange
Struggles: Over sells their ability, crafty, stretches the truth, con-artist
Strengths: Courageous, creative, optimistic, outgoing
Tony Tactless – Powerful (Choleric) The color Red
Struggles: Overly opinionated, hot head, bully, likes to argue
Strengths: Powerful, accretive, full of action, in charge.
Carla Critic – Producer (Choleric/Melancholic) The color Purple
Struggles: Critical, perfectionistic, condescending, cruel
Strengths: Exacting, commanding, detailed, full of purpose
Dorthea Dismay – Proper (Melancholic) The color Blue
Struggles: Judgmental, selfish, moody, cunning
Strengths: Analytical, proper, sensitive, artistic
Kevin Killjoy – Peacekeeper (Melancholic/Phlegmatic) The color Aqua
Struggles: Negative attitude, fearful, full of self doubt, passive-aggressive
Strengths: Diplomatic, deep thinker, thoughtful, principled
Larry Lackluster – Peaceful (Phlegmatic) The color Green
Struggles: Unenthusiastic, lazy, tells lies to keep peace, procrastinates
Strengths: Laid back, kind, friendly, gracious
Wendy Wishy-washy – Partner (Phlegmatic/Sanguine) The color Peridot
Struggles: Undisciplined, easily tempted, emotionally wavering, shallow
Strengths: Companionable, good sense of humor, easy going, fun loving
The good news is this – we can learn to love toxic people, even if it turns out that we are one of them. I agree with Brett Blumenthal, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity, but that doesn’t mean we need to “avoid” the people who drive us crazy, we need to learn strategies to live a healthy life style with them still in it.
Kathryn's personality based classes have enlightened a broad range of groups, from corporate to faith-based organizations, through in-person workshops, teleconferences, and on-line webinars. Many have found Pesonality Principles to be a great tool in coaching and counseling.
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